As one of my favorite musicals from this past season, Tootsie contains a book that manages to deftly balance plot and comedy, to the point where many of the songs are often overlooked. Today, as it’s closing, I wanted to highlight some of the best lines in the songs, as I find they can be both hysterically funny and earnestly heartfelt.

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“Opening Number”: Is he an actor? Yes, of course, he is. Is he successful? Yes, of course, he’s not

“Whaddaya Do”: You’re gonna need some lube, cuz where is it gonna go?

“What’s Gonna Happen”: But all I see is judges, and they’ll all look like Scalia

“I Won’t Let You Down”: I’ve always imagined that you are the flower, and I am the dirt

“I’m Alive”: Don’t hold your nose, I won’t decompose

“There Was John”: John was gone, everything on the left of the closet was gone

“I Like What She’s Doing”: She’ll polish this turd into treasure somehow

“Who Are You?”: I locked myself inside a box, but suddenly there’s the key

“What’s Gonna Happen (reprise)”: Your sister has a goiter like a football on her neck

“Unstoppable”: There’s no mountain these heels can’t climb

“Jeff Sums It Up”: Listen, Mike, I know when Mr. Opportunity comes tip-toeing and teasing
You’re the kind of man who grabs him by the balls
But then when he screams and says: “Let go of my balls!”
You just keep on squeezing

“Gone, Gone, Gone”: I’m a runaway train and I’m off the track, ten pounds of crazy in a five pound sack

“This Thing”: It’s odd. You’re so old I’m so young, and my abs are like slabs of fine granite

“Whaddaya Do (reprise)”: So grow yourself a pair of balls and take those balls and put them in this dress

“The Most Important Night”: Yes bangs! No bangs! Yes bangs! I don’t know!

“Talk to Me Dorothy”: Drawn to the spotlight, but it’s not the sun

“Arrivederci!”: Hey do not forget your purse

“Michael’s Reprise”: Like open your eyes and get a clue, that maybe the universe doesn’t revolve around only you

“Thank You”: I just have to learn how to do it all without the dress

-Christine